


We Need You, and So Do I

by killerofcanon



Category: Archive 81 (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, christine x lou, christine's return, minor fluff, the epilogue we deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 10:57:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerofcanon/pseuds/killerofcanon
Summary: Christine slots back into the hole she left behind.





	1. Rebeginning

“Christine,” Lou whispers and holds her face in his hands like it’s the only treasure that ever mattered, because to him it is. A few undecipherable memories flood back to her in startling visions. She gets the feelings from them, but the specific events are out of reach. She feels a detachment from the “her” in those memories, but when she comes back to the present, Lou’s touch is comforting. A sense of belonging runs through her, and she smiles.

“God, Christine, I’m so glad you’re back, I-I- we needed you, we need you, and now you’re here and I’m so bloody glad and-”

“Lou,” She says, her lips and tongue remembering how it feels to form his name with all the meaning behind it. Lou seems to realize how intimate the touch it and leaps back.

“Bloody hell, this calls for a celebration!” He yells toward the crew, all pretending not to watch their reunion. The two board the ship. Christine’s feet feel sturdy on the wooden planks, sturdy and familiar. 

“Sonder!” Says a person of indeterminate gender and vertically challenged height. Their voice is rich with emotion, and Christine tries to understand  _ why  _ she understands what they mean. She pieces the figure in front of her into the puzzle that is her memories. They hug her, face resting at her midriff, and Christine hugs back. Xkryxx looms over them with body language Christine somehow recognizes as happy. Teddy’s face is a full smile, and something about that seems unnatural to her- but not the fact that he’s a living teddy bear. 

Someone brings out a bottle of alcohol, then another, and they celebrate Christine’s return. She feels more at home than she ever has in her entire life.

Lou drunkenly walks her to her cabin, sober enough to realize she doesn’t know where it is anymore. Both of them sway, intoxication affecting their every movement and perception. Spending time with the whole crew was wonderful, and she felt so alive and happy to be there, but now it felt like it was time for a little privacy. 

“Here it is,” Lou slurs, leaning against the doorframe and pointing in. Christine walks in and takes in the space that was hers for so many years. She wants to ask Lou to come in and talk to her, help her catch up her memories with his, but when she turns around, he’s already left. She finds clothes comfortable for sleeping in her shape and size in the a chest of drawers and puts them on before pulling back the blankets and getting into bed. She is drunk twice, once on alcohol and again on the deja vu. 

_ [“I… you know I’m not good at this,” Lou says. The two of them are sitting on a raft. It feels like a goodbye.  _

_ “Neither am I,” Christine feels herself respond. Lou’s face carries a somber aura about it that she rarely sees.  _

_ “Will you… come back?” He asks softly. He doesn’t say, “to us”, but it’s implied.  _

_ “I don’t know if I can, I don’t know if… if I’ll even remember this. And that… that scares me more than anything. I can’t imagine not having this, these experiences, the crew, you, be a part of my life,” Christine’s voice nearly cracks, but she makes it through. Lou thinks of her as strong. She doesn’t want to ruin that when they’re about to part ways.  _

_ “You’ll remember. And if you don’t, you’ll still find a way back to us.” Lou swears. Christine feels as if she knows him so well, and yet she cannot tell if he really believes it. _

_ She laughs because it’s preferable to crying, and says, “Promise?” _

_ “Of course.” Lou doesn’t skip a beat. There was something about men like him that made them value their word as the truest indication of their character. There’s a pause as they look at each other, and at the water, and their own hands on the rows. _

_ “You shouldn’t wait for me. If I can’t come back. Find a new doctor, find-” _

_ “Stop,” Lou interrupts her. “I’m not going to do that. You want to come back, right?”  _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “Then you’ll find a way to come back. You’re Christine Andersson, you’re bloody brilliant. Ever since you came on this ship, I’ve trusted you, and you’ve never once let us down. Not one time,” Lou swears. His words make her heart feel something that hurts and comforts at the same time. She swallows the lump in her throat. _

_ “Thank you. That means-” She attempts, but a whale call alerts them their window is closing. _

_ “You ready? You sure you want to…” Lou tries, but they both know neither of them could ever be ready. But Christine knows she has to get back to Nicolas. They have work to do.  _

_ “I’ve got this,” She answers. Seconds later she’s gone.] _

“Lou!” She shrieks, not at the Lou on the ship with her now but the one from her dream. As she blinks and the dream stays, insistent, she realizes it wasn’t a dream. It was her last moments with Lou- the last time. No- the first time. Her door slams open, busting the hinges, and Lou stands in the doorway with a full sword drawn. His eyes whip back and forth, searching for the danger. When he sees she’s alone and as safe as any of them, he lowers the sword. Moonlight backlights his stature. He comes in the room and turns on the oil lamp on the desk. 

“Are you okay?” He asks. He pulls a chair over to the side of the bed. Concern drenches his face.

“I remembered something,” Christine says so quietly the natural sounds of the waves almost drown her out. Lou’s eyes light up with curiosity. 

“What was it?” 

“I… I remembered when we said goodbye. When I got the ambergris,” She says, face staring forward at him like she can’t believe he’s really in front of her. Not gone, not a vision, really there in front of her. She can’t believe it, so she reaches out and takes his hand to prove she’s not hallucinating. He looks at her fingers wrapped around his, and rolls his hand so they’re holding each others. Lou’s eyes shift around as if he doesn’t quite know what to say.

“Did you really believe I would come back?” She asks.

“Of course. I told you as much, didn’t I?” 

“Yeah, but- I don’t know, dude. I don’t know if I believed it- before I left. Before I forgot,” She says. Suddenly her hands rip away and go to her temples, holding them tight, gripping her white hair around them. She grunts through gritted teeth as a brutal pain shoots through her head. 

“Christine! Are you-”

“Agh!” She cries out, writing around and entangling herself in the blankets. 

“Sonder sonder?!” Sonder appears and panickedly tries to figure out what’s going on. Teddy and Xkryxx aren’t far behind, and now the whole crew is around her cabin. 

“Is it something to do with the memories?” Teddy shouts over Christine’s groans.

“I bloody hope so!” Lou shouts, running in paces around her room like a father panicking at the birth of his first child. Slowly Christine’s yelps turn to mild whimpers, until her takes her hands away from her head and pants like she just ran a marathon. Sonder runs and comes back with a glass of water. Christine drinks the entire thing, only stopping to gasp for air. They all look at her expectantly.

“Shit,” She grunts. “I remember…” She realizes she won’t ever be able to tell if she’s remembered everything, or how much proportionately she just remembered. She settles on “more”. “I remember more.”

“Like what?” Xkryxx asks. Christine summons the memories into the front of her mind. 

“I remember drinking and watching sunsets. I remember that first battle where you taught me how to fire Xkyrxx. I remember… I remember meeting you all. And Lou, in the bar. I remember more than that, but-” She stops. 

“That’s enough. Don’t strain yourself,” Lou says, eyes locked on hers. “Let’s all clear out an’ let you get some sleep. Everybody to your cabins.”

The crew disperses. 


	2. As It Should Be

Christine and Lou seem to dance awkwardly around each other for the next few weeks, unsure of what to say to one another besides checking in on ship duties. One late night, Lou is standing and looking over the front of the ship out at the dark horizon. The moon is full, but it almost always is here. Christine sees him. He boots against the wood make her presence known as she climbs the few stairs to the raised part of the ship, but Lou doesn’t turn around. She stands behind him, admiring his strong form against the moonlight. She swallows some nerves in her throat and says what’s been on her mind since the hectic homecoming started to settle into routine.

“You told me you love me,” She says. Lou turns around, back to the waves and front to her.

“I did,” He says, his posture stays stoic but his voice betrays his surprise.

“You told me in that vision. I didn’t know who you were, but you told me anyway.”

“I did,” He says again, then swallows and explains a little. “I had to take the gamble that it would bring you back.”

“But you meant it,” I check.

“Of course,” He confirms instantly.

“You almost told me another time, too. It’s foggy, but… I’m seeing it. We talked about our ‘earth lives’, and it reminded you that I was going to leave you. You tried to ask me to stay. You said ‘the crew loves you, I-”

“I love you,” Lou cuts her off. Her heart feels like it stops. She blinks and her mouth hangs open a second before she finds the will to close it, unable to find words. Lou takes it upon himself to elaborate. “I’ve loved you since before that day. I’ve loved you since you put that everputty on those statues and proved me wrong about their danger. I wanted to say it every day after that but I never did. That day, when I almost said it, you cut me off. I took that as a rejection. At first, at least, I did, but then… I couldn’t imagine the crew without you being a part of it. When you left, I swore I’d tell you as soon as I saw you again. You had to know.”

They stared at each other for a long, heavy moment.

“I felt something as soon as we touched, when I came back, I mean. For a second I was confused, and if you had told me we were already together I would have believed it.”

“I would never do such a thing,” Lou protested.

“I know,” She agreed. “But I felt that connection. I knew we were something.”

Christine stepped forward so that they were less than a yard apart.

“I know I belong here. There hasn’t been any doubt since the first night we were all drinking together, even before I remembered who everyone was. I feel like a part of you all, I feel like you’re all a part of me…” She fades out, losing her train of thought, unsure where she’s going with all this. “I guess all I’m trying to say is that I love you too, Lou.”

Purpose takes over Lou’s eyes and he rushes forward, taking her in a tight embrace. His hands on the small of her back draw her in magnetically to him. She wraps her arms around his neck, takes in the smell of the sea in his skin and his clothes, feeling where his hair meets the base of his neck. They pull away, and Lou puts his hands on her face like he did the day of their reunion. Their faces crash together like the waves that surround them and they kiss, tasting and smelling and feeling each other as an apathetic universe spins around them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might put up a chapter three if i get inspired? who knows! life is a mystery

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I saw how lacking the archive81 stuff was on here so I really needed to add some. This season ripped my heart into pieces and I need these characters back soon. I might put out another chapter if inspiration ever strikes.


End file.
